you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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