I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
