At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your shirt... Was in my pants
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
