I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
