my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
