If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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