Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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