I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
