Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
