i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I love you.
Bad choice
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
