FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
