apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
