I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
