My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
