you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
