Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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