cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
