i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
