oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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