Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
