DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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