They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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