What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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