i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
