I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
