youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
