Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
