God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
