Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
