remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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