So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
