in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
