My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
