dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize