I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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