Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize