he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
