my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
