No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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