My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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