So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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