I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
