Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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