Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
