I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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