its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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