It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
