I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
