Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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