We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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