Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
