I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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