so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
