I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't put those talents on a resume
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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