I cockslap morals
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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