thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
