vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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