Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
