I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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