she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
