Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
