The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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