lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize