Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you would pick up someone in the library
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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